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Joke of the Day

"Your mama's so poor When god created light she was already two months behind on her bill."

"My girlfriend didn't like my penis at first... ... but then it grew on her."

"What losses its head in the morning and gets it back in the evening? A pillow"

"Listen, you can keep retaking all the pictures you want but that's just what your face really looks like."

"5 Years ago today I asked a beautiful girl out on a date. Today at 3pm I asked that same girl to marry me. Both times she said no"

"How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. 1 to screw it in and 2 to talk about how much better Neil Peart could've done it"

"I went to the zoo. So I went to the zoo last week. It was such a bad experience. I paid 20 bucks and there was only 1 animal there. A dog. It was a shit zoo."

"Pro tip: Instead of having kids, just adopt a couple raccoons. They'll trash your house too, but at least they can feed themselves."

"My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive."

"I just heard a horrific story about a man who left his house without his phone."