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Joke of the Day

"*Listening to red hot chili peppers* Me: You call that music? I can't even hear anything! Worker: Sir, stop putting produce to your ear."

"What did the soccer player shout to the baker who's cakes kept sticking to the tin? ""LINE IT!"""

"An art museum robber is caught when he tries to get away.... A reporter asks him what went wrong with the robbery. He answers "" I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

"How do lions like their steaks? RAWR"

"Scientists detected gravitational waves directly for the first time Your mom's gonna get half the Nobel prize."

"The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize."

"Dick Cheney was found having sex with Sarah Palin in a speedboat. It wasn't the first time he was caught offshore drilling."

"How many people can ride on a bird? Toucan."

"I just moved into an apartment above a jazz club... I was sick of paying for sax."

"twitter is obviously Japanese, it wants us to hate whales as much as it does"