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Joke of the Day

"Presidential election season; that special time every four years when we find out who we just really shouldn't be friends with anymore."

"Did you hear about my time machine? I sold it next week"

"What was left after the explosion at a French cheese factory Des Brie"

"college is a lot like kindergarten except instead of going to school im smoking weed in my dorm at 1 pm"

"I Tweet and drive because the tragedy of me forgetting a Tweet is far greater than me being injuried"

"What's the difference between a pot of glue, a tuna, and a guitar? You can tuna guitar but you can't guitar a tuna!"

"*Lady gives balloon to my son* ME: What do u say? SON: I WILL CRUSH MY ENEMIES ME: *nervous laughter* No, the other thing SON: Oh. Thank you"

"The ostrich may have the right idea but I hate sand in my hair."

"I had sex last night with a girl who had to be in control of every damn thing. It was my first time having anal sex."

"What reads and lives in an apple ? A bookworm !"