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Joke of the Day

"I had sex last night with a girl who had to be in control of every damn thing. It was my first time having anal sex."

"*sees gf upset* Me: she looks mad, I should say something Brain: lol tell her she's overreacting Me: ok"

"What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels."

"I hate all the political correctness in recent years. I can't even say ""black paint"" anymore, I have to say ""hey Jamal, would you please go paint that fence over there?"""

"What is Miley Cyrus's favorite color? Twerquoise"

"What kind of physician works on a cruise liner? A dry doc."

"*COPS* cop: there he is! get him! 'you'll never catch me! i'm translucent-man!' *goes translucent* cop: we can still kinda see you"

"A Roman walks into a bar........ .....holds up two fingers and says, ""Five beers, please!"""

"A doctor reaches into his pocket and finds his rectal thermometer He says ""Shit, some asshole took my pen!"""

"Have you ever met anyone that said their dog isn't friendly? Just once I want someone to display some honesty & be like ""yeah, he's vicious"""