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Joke of the Day

"""Hi honey did you miss me?"" ""With every bullet so far"" - Married with children. Peggy and Al Bundy. Just watch the whole thing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJ_PKMbdNTU"

"This morning I woke up to a tap on my front door. My plumber has a weird sense of humour."

"F**k censorship"

"[end of the night]*hand running through her hair, pulls out a lizard* ME: no not again *she unzips jacket, collapses into a pile of lizards*"

"TIL the French flag is traditionally made with Velcro So they could remove the red and blue bits in times of war"

"If I ever get a llama, I'm totally naming it Dalai."

"I don't always say 'oops', but when I do, it's usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea."

"I feel so bad when I see a woman wearing a shirt that says GAP on it. (OC) I want tell them, ""You're so much more than that!"""

"How do you spell Canada? C-Eh?-N-Eh?-D-Eh?"

"What did Cindarella say when she got to the ball? Gluk gluk gluk (say it out loud)"