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Joke of the Day
"Where do modern-day pirates come from? Somaaaaaarlia"
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"My boss said to ""treat customers like you treat your mother"", so I haven't answered my phone in a month and I have 74 unheard voicemails."
"How do you confuse Hellen Keller? Give her a basketball and tell her to read it."
"What does a man with one leg wear to the beach? Flop."
"What's the opposite of the word uncle-off-her? It's an aunt-*on*-him."
"My 4 yr old: I wish I was a nurse. Me: You can be one day, if you want. Him: *sadly shaking head* No. I'm going to be a Power Ranger."
"Never trust volleyball players with your drinks They might spike 'em."
"I went to a zoo the other day and all they had was a terrier. It was a shih tzu."
"What do you call post-modern Persians? PomIranians"
"Statistically speaking... 6/7 dwarfs aren't happy."