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Joke of the Day

"""I got this."" Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained."

"Your ass must get jealous of all the crap that comes out of your mouth!"

"POLLY GETS A CRACKER WHEN HE STOPS REFERRING TO HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON, and not a moment before. Stupid bird."

"When you anticipate, you make an ant out of I, ci and pate."

"Coworker: I couldn't sleep. Just thinking all night Me: Maybe try doing some of that here in the office during the day"

"I don't even want to know how many nude pics Donald Trump's cell phone must have of him."

"Two cows are standing peacefully on a hill. ""Moo"", pipes up the first cow. The second cow turns to her and says ""BITCH, I WAS GONNA SAY THAT!"""

"Maybe the raccoons threw away something very important. Did you ever think about that you big jerk."

"Neil deGrasse Tyson will no longer be hosting NOVA. Looks like they had to cut deGrasse."

"Why were there no black people in the Flintstones? Because they were still considered monkeys."