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Joke of the Day

"My fairy godmother asked me ""Do you want a long penis or a long memory?"" I don't remember my answer"

"What would Kim Jong-Il be doing if he was still alive today? Scratching at the lid of his coffin."

"Someone really has to have a serious talk with birds about their pooping habits Do they really think we're gonna let that shit fly?"

"Why do engineering students call themselves engineers? You don't hear a law student call themselves a lawyer, or a gender studies student call themselves a barista."

"I think my dog goes out at night to drink with her doggie friends. At least she can't drive because that would be ridiculous."

"What did the Mongols put on their Hamburgers? Khan-diments."

"I really want to learn how to play the Piano.. .. But it's not my forte."

"Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing."

"My girlfriend and I are having a disagreement. She wants a huge wedding with 500 guests and a piano player... I want us to see other people."

"I always do my best work stoned. You can ask any of my ex-bosses."