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Joke of the Day

"As new head of Westboro Baptist Church, I'm expanding who God hates. To start: delivery guys, vegetarians, and people who do Sudoku."

"A secretary walks into her boss's office and says, ""Can I use your Dictaphone?"" He says, ""No, dial with your finger like everyone else."""

"1: Steal ice cream van 2: Drive around slowly but never stop 3: Be proud to have helped prepare children for life's many disappointments"

"Lincoln was known for his signature look; stovepipe hat, chinstrap beard, fingerless driving gloves, Jordans, shirt with Ferrari logo on it"

"A Chinese baby was born prematurely. Parents named him Sudden Lee."

"*slowly unwraps a candy bar as neighbor talks about her new diet"

"Where does Arnie sit at the movies? Aisle B - Back."

"Vending machines are so homophobic. I'm sorry my dollar is not straight enough for you."

"When I was a child, my dad tried to force-feed me. After a while, my mum said, ""Just use a fcuking spoon, Mike. You're not a Jedi."""

"I love that new song where that clever black fellow does a sort of ""rhythm-talking"" & uses such fantastic rhymes!"