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Joke of the Day

"I was painting the house with my kids yesterday. It was fun and all, but I wasn't sure where to hide the bodies."

"Black people Ash Wednesday doesn't have anything to do with. your dry cracked skin."

"You can tell Monopoly's an old game because there's a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail."

"I don't get why everybody hates on ISIS.... Their drug policy, for one, is incredibly progressive. Women get stoned legally over there all the time!"

"Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way."

"Dear Chiquita: I have your new slogan: ""Constipated? Try a banana! Not like that, silly!"""

"Your so poor I stepped in your house and stepped on a cigarette and your mom said ""Who turned of the lights""."

"What are Jehova Witnesses called in Chinese? Ding Dong!"

"Girls say I'm an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours in a row."

"Are you from the 316? Because you're an stone cold stunner. Edit: Stone not ice Thanks /u/cvillemade"