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Joke of the Day

"Yesterday CNN reported that ""sitting will kill you, even if you exercise"" and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but living will kill you."

"Why was the snowman smiling? He saw the snowblower coming."

"What do you call a prostitute who does both men and women? An omniwhore."

"Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went."

"*eats half a pan of brownies while making salad for dinner*"

"I asked my North Korean friend how life was there He said he couldn't complain."

"I wish the Antiques Roadshow guy had just told me how much my swords were worth without getting all nosy about where the blood came from."

"I need a career involving less interaction and more pizza. I've narrowed it down to: Pizza Farmer Pizza Hunter Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle"

"Oscar Wilde: Always be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. Liam Neeson: I will find them. Wilde: Wait, I meant- Neeson: EVERYONE"

"Twitter is going to get very dark when we all get older and are still tweeting from our Alzheimer and dementia riddled brains."