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Joke of the Day
"Why can't the armless girl comb? Because she already had cancer."
Next Joke
"Mom, have you seen my turtle? Your friends took it outside to play. They're cracking walnuts."
"What does Mike Tyson eat after a long time on twitter? Tweets of course! ....and then your family."
"I was raped by a group of mimes They did unspeakable things to me"
"My neighbor put up like $3,000 worth of Christmas lights but I showed him by putting out a nativity scene with like 20 baby Jesuses"
"So a quadriplegic amputee went... Absolutely nowhere."
"What's the difference between a porcupine and a Hummer? The porcupine has the pricks on the outside."
"Me: ""Can I buy you a drink?"" Her: ""I have a boyfriend."" Me to barman: ""A beer for me and a 'I have a boyfriend' for the lady."""
"What did Watson tell his friend when he was constipated? No shit Sherlock..."
"Procrastination is similar to masturbation The longer you wait the larger the load"