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Joke of the Day

"Me: ""Can I buy you a drink?"" Her: ""I have a boyfriend."" Me to barman: ""A beer for me and a 'I have a boyfriend' for the lady."""

"a long time ago chuck norris kicked the world so hard that its still spinning today."

"3 Best Uses for Oven Timers: 1. Remind you of beer in the freezer 2. Pizza rolls 3. Notify guests when their time's up & they should leave"

"How can you spot a bad stripper? Because they half-ass it."

"Why do we have Martin Luther King Jr. Day off? So the black people will not be the only ones skipping school."

"I need to get in shape. If I was murdered right now my chalk outline would be a circle."

"How did the Neanderthal dad teach his son how to wear underwear? Color coded: ""Yellow in front, brown in the back"""

"TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM costume party Oops wrong sub"

"There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who weren't expecting a trinary joke."

"So after the subreddit banning went down, I texted Ellen Pao asking if this was some sort of a joke. She responded ""Im SRS"""