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Joke of the Day

"Spiderman, Spiderman/ Does whatever a spider can/ Attends college/ Works as a photographer/ Just like a spider"

"Girl, my life is full of tragedy. In 1997, my girlfriend was killed by a guy named Sephiroth. AND she was our party's only healer :("

"""This won't end well, mark my words. Mark, my words. MARK. MY WORDS! I NEED MY WORDS, MARK!!!"" *Mark sweatily fumbles with the script*"

"What's grey stands in a river when it rains and doesn't get wet ? An elephant with an umbrella !"

"What do you call a good looking canyon? Gorge-ous"

"When I was at the diner tonight my waitress had a black eye. When I ordered I ordered real slow because apparently she don't listen so good."

"Why do gorillas have such big nostrils? because their fingers are so big."

"Turns out it wasn't vertigo causing me to run into things, it was vodka."

"David Cameron sends Alex Salmond a text following the Scottish vote... David: ""Hi mate just checking in, u k?"""

"I don't see the point of strip clubs. All they do is frustrate you and take all your money. I have a wife for that."