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Joke of the Day

"I'm writing a poem about the first time I masturbated. Can someone think of something that rhymes with, ""I was taken away by an ambulance""?"

"What's the difference between peanut-butter and jam ? You can't peanut-butter it into her ass !"

"I'm not sure why my girlfriend called me a douche this morning... but I guess it explains why her sister smelled so much better after I finished banging her last night credit: /u/thehofstetter"

"Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."

"What do you call a wife that knows where her husband is at all time? A widow"

"I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow! Then her friend said, ""She means 666-3629."""

"A man married his own secretary thinking that she will still follow his orders as before."

"What do you call a red-head that works at a bakery? A ginger bread man."

"What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler? Usain Bolt can finish a race."

"Friend: I want a baby. Me: Remember when your neighbor was practicing the clarinet at 1AM? It's like that, but you can't call the cops."