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Joke of the Day

"Have a headache? Eating a carrot can help if you take a Advil after it"

"Who would you like for president in 2020? Anyone who doesn't have poor visions."

"How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the chin."

"What do you call an angry Russian? Pissdov"

"How did the captain of the u-boat announce to his crew that there were no more passports to go around? This sub has officially run out of IDs."

"Go ahead lady, call the cops. I have witnesses that say your toddler started it."

"How do dogs do business? Pro-bono"

"What do valley girls drink? Soo-Duhh!"

"In 1000 years, archaeologists will find tanning beds and think we fried people as punishments."

"My doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those exact words. He said I need to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing."