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Joke of the Day
"I like my women like I like my wine... ... 18 years old and locked in the basement."
Next Joke
"Good thing Brazil won...otherwise I'm pretty sure they would've just cancelled the rest of the World Cup."
"What is the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster who got breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean."
"There are 30 cows and twenty eight chickens... How many didn't? Better told in person."
"a white girl slowly crawls out of her ugg castle, ""it's almost pumpkin spice time"" she growls as she sniffs the air."
"I stuck my finger in an outlet today It really hertz"
"The cool thing about being happy is you get to live in crippling fear that it will all go away soon"
"I was touched when my slutty ex-girlfriend said she got a tattoo for me, but it turned out to be a heart with the name ""Occupant."""
"What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common? I don't care if she has one or not."
"In some cultures, it's considered polite to scream when someone shows you their baby. I'd be considered proper there. Probably."