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Joke of the Day

"""911 what's your emergency?"" - I've been catfished by a dozen men ""We're on our way"" - Gonna arrest them? ""Gonna shut off your internet"""

"My grandfather came back from the war... ...with a single arm. To this day, we still have no idea whose it is"

"My girlfriend treats me like God... She shouts my name while fucking other guys"

"Xbox One down! PS4 Down! Get an ambulance! Wii U! Wii U! Wii U!"

"do you know the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? one less drunk"

"Why did the tofu cross the road? To prove it wasn't chicken. >:|"

"Just saw that new Harry Potter movie, and was really disappointed... ...just looked at my ticket stub. It turns out the movie is called fantastic *beasts* and where to find them."

"So Hungry If Katniss Everdeen's friend Peeta got blown up, would the resulting crater be a Peeta pocket?"

"What is it called when a blind deaf man commits murder? Senseless Slaughter..."

"Say what you will about censorship on Reddit [removed]"