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Joke of the Day
"How did the Hipster burn his tongue? He ate pizza before it was cool"
Next Joke
"Oh, you asked if I had a perfect BEACH body. Now I see why you were confused when I said ""Yes, I'm round, ripe & covered in fuzz."""
"Before you criticize someone... walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes."
"Remember when phones were fat and people were thin"
"WIFE: *motions to me that she's choking* ME: *immediately dials 911* 911: what the emergency ME: *handing her the phone* here u talk to them"
"Burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night........ .......... should have put it on aloha heat."
"What is Niglish? You're an asshole. Just go away."
"What do feminists do on Halloween? They go triggered treating"
"Ugly Joke You're so ugly that you make ropes hang them self so they dont have to look at you"
"ME: [practising my samurai sword moves in the mirror] [ever so slightly later] ME: [dying from massive blood loss]"