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Joke of the Day

"Why can't siamese twins be trusted to render fair judgments? Because they're always partial. I'm so sorry."

"Straight marriage, gay marriage, whatever. Just stop showing me pictures of your kids and we're cool."

"You had me until the final shot, local commercial. An employee in the back row didn't wave hard enough. No sale."

"I made the kids put sunglasses on the snowman so he wouldn't have to make eye contact with the neighbors."

"My wife called me a paedophile yesterday Quite a long word for a 9 year old."

"What's the difference between a woman kneeling in prayer and a woman kneeling in a bathtub? a woman kneeling in prayer has hope in her soul."

"Last Night.. I was about to kill a spider. My wife told me to take it out instead. Turns out he's a pretty cool guy, his names Luke and he want's to be a lawyer."

"""W.A.D."" a simple mnemonic device for remembering the steps in folding a fitted sheet stands for: 1. Wad it up; 2. And; 3. Done"

"What's the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter Warning: Offensive Harry got out of the chamber."

"I was making fun of some sodium chloride and ended up being charged with aggravating a salt."