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Joke of the Day

"ISIS released a new video today In it they claimed responsibility for manufacturing the Samsung Galaxy Note 7"

"I can't have teamwork at League of Legends because... the only people listening to my calls are the NSA."

"""Doc, it's embarrassing, but I don't feel sexy."" ""Try wearing the wife's panties."" ""Really?"" ""Yeah, the red ones with the lace are nice"""

"When someone tells me they're a doctor or an engineer all I can think is: ""wow your parents must've yelled at you to do your homework a lot"""

"""Does this uniform make me look fat?"" Asked the insecurity guard."

"Back in my day, I used to have to walk 4 miles to the nearest store. Because I had too many DUIs."

"Why do people go to bed? Because the bed won't come to them."

"Why did the piglets get in trouble in their stained glass class? They stained it with mud."

"I came all the way from New York.... and boy are my hands tired"

"What do you call a Transformer that engages in illegal activities? Optimus *Crime*."