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Joke of the Day

"Ever feel a little ""too"" relaxed? Is your day going ""pretty ok""? Are you enjoying doing a thing? Introducing ""Panic Attacks"" Panic AttacksTM"

"*First Date Her: Why are we at Home Depot? Me: I wanted to see what it's like to pick out bathroom tile with you. See if this is worth it."

"What do you get when someone sexts you? Naughtyfications"

"My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say 'It's so cold out!' and I say 'It's winter' and then we silently hate each other."

"First boy: My dad saw a horrible witch and didn't turn a hair! Second boy: I'm not surprised - your dad's bald!"

"You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you."

"Whats the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg."

"Drinking non-alcohol beer is like to eat out your own sister: the same taste but something is wrong"

"No Soap. Radio!!!"

"My metaphors are like similes. Rock solid as a mountain."