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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a dead body and two planks? A ""Build your own Jesus"" kit."

"Why did Bernie Sanders's chicken restaurant throw out so much food? He only sold left wings."

"Have you ever heard of the s-shaped well? It's pretty swell. And I would tell you about the d-shaped well, but I'd rather not dwell on it."

"Why can't you tell jokes to a Nympho? Because they'll take them too hard."

"I like my women like I like my trail mix... With nuts."

"What's the difference between 7/11 and 9/11? One is a part-time job the other an inside"

"Sure reading a book under a tree is peaceful but imagine how stressful it is for the tree to see a bunch of it's dead friends in your hand."

"One Scot came back from work earlier then usual and saw plumber's car in the front of the house. - Oh my God I hope it is her lover."

"My wife has been helping my neighbor hook up his VCR for 3 hours now. Starting to get suspicious... What kind of monster still has a VCR?"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Balloon ! Balloon who ? Balloon velvet !"