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Joke of the Day

"From my 6yo Me (after having taught her subtraction): ""So, what's the difference between 10 and 5?"" ""They're just two different numbers!"""

"Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice."

"Women defy physics. The heavier they get, the easier they are to pick up."

"Chuck Norris don't open no can of whoopass. He makes his own."

"Donald Trump is going to outlaw shredded cheese. He's gonna make America grate again."

"THERAPIST: what's wrong? WIFE: he always narrates real life- ME: she complained WIFE: see! ME: she exclaimed WIFE: ME: she was speechless"

"""What an ugly baby,"" I said, much more audibly than intended."

"If you get kissed by an alpaca it's not the end of the world. It's the alpaca-lips."

"Your neck tattoo says ""Only God can judge me,"" yet here I am."

"I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though."