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Joke of the Day

"[Breaking] Muslim terrorists have crashed a speedboat full of explosives into the base of the Hoover Dam... Police suspect this might be the first attack in a month long operation named Ramadam."

"If you cant beat'em, join'em! Then kill them while they're sleeping."

"(Me playing guitar) 3: Daddy what's this song called? Me: Going Nowhere. 3: I know that but what's this song called? Burned by a 3yo."

"I've been teaching myself French so that I can seduce my wife Boner Petite, baby!"

"How much space does fungi need to grow? As mushroom as possible :)"

"What is every young lady`s ultimate Disney fantasy? To sit on Pinnochio`s face and hope he tells lies."

"*notices wife has 5 asparagus on her plate while I only have 4* everything ok? ""fine"" [hour later during car ride home] you're speeding"

"Nothing terrifies me more than hearing, ""Mommy close your eyes I have a present."""

"Why is ""Z"" afraid of all of the other letters? Because they're Not-Z's (*Nazis*)"

"How many communists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, we just sit in the dark complaining about capitalism. But come the light-bulb revolution everything will be brighter."