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Joke of the Day

"If you Say the word ""murder"" over and over again out loud, it starts to sound really weird and everyone in this starbucks will stare at you."

"Why doesn't Moses buy beer? He brews it."

"Why couldn't the lizard have any children? It had a reptile dysfunction!"

"LPT: How to get out of murder/manslaughter charges. Become a police officer."

"Googled woodworking. Broke my coffee table down and built a birdhouse. Desk is now a birdhouse too. Pretty much everything's a birdhouse now"

"My Dr. just diagnosed me as 'paranoid'! Well, she didn't say that, but I know the bitch was thinking it!"

"I had an uncle who worked at a whiskey factory. He fell into a vat and drowned 6 hours later. He would have drowned earlier but he got out 3 times to pee."

"What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her? Her miscarriage"

"What do Augusto Pinochet and New Guns n Roses have in common? They've both committed atrocities in South American stadiums."

"Women need to relax and stop worrying so much about their bodies. Men aren't picky! Unless you're chubby or have a wrinkle or something."