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Joke of the Day

"[Cop arresting a centipede] *clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* *opens crate of new handcuffs* *clink* *clink* *clin"

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"Dog ate raw chicken so I called the vet to see what I could do He asked what I think they eat in the wild. Basically, he called me an idiot"
"On a cold, late December day... ... the wall calendar looked across the room at the advent calendar and said: ""It looks like our days are numbered, pal""."
"What did the sheep obsessed convict say to Jared Fogle? I have a footlong waiting for **ewe** back in my cell!!!!"
"Why do people keep a picture of their wife and kids in their wallet? To remind them why there's no money in it"
"Kanye and Kim name their first child North West... ....in hopes that it will one day be the lead singer for One Direction"
"If I am attacked by a group of clowns..... should I always go for the juggler?"
"""How much for this remote controlled alien?"" ""Sir, that's Stephen Hawking."""
"I just sold viagra to a guy who thinks it's adderal. He's going to have a very hard test tomorrow."
"What do people from West Virginia do on Halloween? Pump Kin."
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