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Joke of the Day

"How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it. I'll show myself out."

"I want to be a host at a restaurant so if someone asks for a booth I can yell, ""YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE BOOTH!"""

"I had a pretty confused childhood because I thought obituaries are actually advertisements selling dead people."

"I'm all for people, places, and things. I guess you could say I am pronouns."

"If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane."

"""I dropped my toothpaste""... ...he said, crestfallen."

"Trump/Pence 2016! Or ""TP"" as I like to call it. ;)"

"Why didn't the bear go to college? Because bears don't go to college."

"My friend's son really has trouble reading and writing. I told him he's probably quite unliterate."

"What's the stupidest prank someone tried pulling on you? My sister just told me she was pregnant and I was the father. Does she really think I'm that dumb? I'm 100% sure she's on birth control."