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Joke of the Day

"Saw a TV at the dumpster with a sign that said 'free TV' and boy do I feel stupid, I paid $200 for the last TV sitting at a dumpster"

"Mom She gave me life She gave me love She gave me sarcasm She gave me the ability to cut brake lines so that it looks like an accident."

"What is the definition of masurbation? Coming unscrewed"

"Did you know: the human body is 60% water, 20% hair, 34% rope, 9% tubes, 12% earrings, 99% eyes, 13% jubjubs, 6% dingdongs, 100% crannies"

"Incontinence Hotline Could you hold, please?"

"Why did the synagogue ban Monopoly? Because the fights over who got to be the banker were getting bloody"

"Life tip - buy a birthday card with your morning bottle of wine and people will think it's a gift. You are welcome."

"When I was a kid we didn't add flavor to our medicine and it tasted like shit but we liked it because we liked being not dead."

"I got spam from someone named ""Amishguy."" I wonder how fast his windmill had to turn in order for him to email me like that."

"People who still say 'YOLO' only deserve to live once anyway."