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Joke of the Day

"It's hard not to bring up the fact I'm vegan whenever people talk about food or a new restaurant or that their mom just died or"

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"What do rocket scientists say about a task that is relatively easy? It's no social skills!"
"So, Burt and Ernie are just sitting at home, when Burt looks over at Ernie and asks, ""Hey Ernie, do you want to get some ice cream?"" Then Ernie said, ""Sure Burt."""
"ODE TO TWITTER Twinkle, twinkle little star, How I wonder where you are, Twitter changed you to a heart, I don't think they're very smart"
"What is up with these reposts? It must be heredditory."
"China Joke So I was walking around the other day and I saw a Chinese guy fall out of a 2nd story window. I ran up and in English yelled, ""Are you ok?!?"" He replied, ""I am fine, thank you, and you?"""
"Winter's coming so I'm knitting you a muffler. What size is your mouth?"
"Jesus walks into a hotel He throws a bag of nails on the counter and says, ""Can you put me up for the night?"""
"Auto-correct simply means you end up saying stuff that you didn't Nintendo."
"What did the Mexican say with one sleeve rolled up and one sleeve not? Not even, homes"