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Joke of the Day

"Kanye West must feel very conflicted right now. He's excited Kim is pregnant, but deep down he knows Beyonce had the best baby of all time."

"Me: ... Dog: ... Me: ... Dog: ... Me: .. Dog: .. Me: ... Dog: .. Me: .. Dog: .. Me: ... Dog: ... (Women, take note *ahem* Man's best friend)"

"picture a bunch of dogs at a bar getting drunk off of a beer called air bud light"

"What does the mafia and a girls pussy have in common? One slip of the tongue and you're in shit!"

"GEEK BOOTY CALL... ALLERGIES I'm allergic to three things: cheese, pollen and not being with you."

"I used to think I could control ducks with my mind but it turns out ducks & I just have very similar ideas about what stuff ducks should do"

"What do you do if an old man asks for a helping hand? He is meaning a hand job so run away!"

"If I was a stripper my name would be medusa Because I'll make you rock hard ;)"

"I've been waiting for almost half a year to post this this"

"How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!"