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Joke of the Day

"Fool me once shame on you, Unless you're speaking Spanish, then that's eleven times and I probably deserved it."

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"I learned that you transfer more germs shaking hands than kissing....It didn't take HR long to stop me from introducing myself to women..."
"""Sorry dad... my cat ripped your sweater"" ""Darn it!"""
"Why do Mobius strips make such bad politicians? They can be rather one-sided."
"Decided to announce that I'm gay today after being relieved of my constipation. It felt so good coming out."
"Vacuumed a section of carpet 20 times before I realized I was trying to clean up a patch of sunshine. Intellectual powerhouse. Right here."
"Loved Inception. It took me to exotic places I could never visit in real life, like the first class cabin of an airplane."
"A Mexican Magician... A Mexican magician says he will dissappear on the count of three. Uno... Dos... *poof* He's disappeared... Without a tres."
"The thing I most look forward to after Christmas is taking down the decorations and, for 4 minutes, it feeling like I live in a mansion."
"Trail mix? You mean M&M's with obstacles."