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Joke of the Day

"Why is santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live."

"What would you call two banana skins ? A pair of slippers."

"Warning: Alcohol may make people appear more fcukable than they actually are."

"just taught my 3yo to sing ""if you're happy and you've no wit, clap your hands"" and then laugh at the people clapping"

"Any time I wonder if God exists, I think of women & I know he does. Coincidentally, this is also what I do when I wonder if the devil exists."

"Did you hear Jill Stein and Al Franken are getting married? Their kids said they will hyphenate their last names to ""Franken-Stein."""

"Just once I want to see ""Soooo many animals harmed in the making of this movie. Like, SO many. An insane amount. Too many, probably."""

"Some guy said I was being pithy.... turns out he had a lisp."

"Have you ever tried eating a clock? I don't recommend it, it's quite time consuming."

"I found a chocolate bar down the side of the sofa but I didn't celebrate because it was my old club."