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Joke of the Day

"Black Santa reached into his bag of presents... He may have been reaching for a weapon. An officer involved shooting occurred."

"Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can't leave messages now. That's the kind of genius I am."

"Did you hear about the assassin who was given forty years to complete his assignment? He had some time to kill."

"I run sentences together on purpose so you don't get a chance to pause and change your mind about reading whatever it is I'm not saying."

"The Best Sean Connery Joke In EXISTENCE! (Read in Mr. Connery's voice) Ash I wash walking through my houshe, a book fell on me. I had only myshelf to blame."

"How much time did you spend on your hair before you took a selfie of your boobs?"

"So you like limericks, huh? On the Breast of a woman named Gale was tattooed the price of her tail and on her behind for the sake of the blind was the same information in braile."

"""NSFW"" Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first? So you can cum on its face afterwards."

"""I am John Lennon"" - the Walrus"

"If a pilot can't get it up during takeoff Is it called projectile dysfunction?"