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Joke of the Day

"Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running."

"How much cocaine is 2 much? Do u think security will view me ridding the elevator from the 1st to 2nd floor for the past 3hrs suspicious??"

"Did you hear about the most recent FIFA scandal? Turns out Lionel was a little Messi in his financial records."

"I got my little brother a Cisformer for his birthday It's like a transformer, but it starts out as a car and stays that way"

"Woozy woman comes up ""OMG I'm-I'm gonna faint!"" ""Go ahead, knock yourself out"""

"I can dig graves my entire life and nobody calls me a landscaper, but i suck one dick! And they call me gay for life!"

"If you have a parrot and you don't teach him to say ""Help, they turned me into a parrot"" you wasting everybody's time Shamelessly stolen from /r/funny"

"What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day? Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!"

"Pete and Repeat went into a bar, Pete came out who was left?"

"I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain."