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Joke of the Day

"[shoves the new kid] ur in the wrong ballet class loser, this is for the experts only [low-5s closest bro while maintaining eye contact]"

"Apparently, Isaac Asimov wrote a book about jokes and puns called Treasury of Humor I laughed my Asimov when I was reading it"

"Why don't Hindu rappers have battle raps? Because they got no beef."

"Two things you need to know about me: 1. I am hung over. 2. Sometimes I say the word over for no reason."

"Elliptical machines are the caesar salad of exercise."

"Why don't witches have babies? Because their men have hollow-weenies!"

"so a man is playing a violin in the middle of the jungle And a lion comes up and eats him. A tiger comes up and says ""hey man why did you do that? It sounded beautiful"" and the lion replied WHAT?"

"So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I'm pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood."

"Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!"

"Went out to dinner last night & the hostess asked me ""Where would you like to sit?"" I replied ""preferably on a seat."" #accomplished"