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Joke of the Day

"I bought a universal remote today. I was disappointed to find out that it does not, in fact, control the universe. Not even remotely."

"What kind of cereal does Ronda Rousey eat? Kix"

"My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Edinburgh zoo."

"I found a dog (no joke). If he's yours let me know. Male german shepherd. I am teaching him how to use a gun and drive a motorcycle."

"Why would they add ""twerk"" to the dictionary? People that would use said word can't read."

"woke up to a tap on the door this morning had to call the plumber in to remove it"

"Studies have shown that intelligent people swear more than stupid motherfuckers."

"Why does The Rock love Sonic the Hedgehog? ***""IT DOESN'T MATTER""!***"

"I'm not fucking stupid. I mean, I was, but we broke up."

"Open your mind before your mouth."