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Joke of the Day
"How do you fix a woman's watch? - It doesn't matter. There is a clock on the oven."
Next Joke
"""I donno. America's Got Ghosts?"" -- someone in charge of a channel I probably pay $10 a year for and never watch."
"""Oh my god! That guy's dead! Oh wait, he's totally fine."" (someone watching soccer for the first time)"
"The EU is like a box of chocolates; Nobody likes the Turkish."
"A black man and his donkey walk into a bar.. The bartender says ""get your black ass outta here."""
"My birth control is my 5yo running around in circles at 5am screaming ""I have so much energy! I have so much energy! I have so much energy!"""
"It's cruel that people make fun of the way Stephen Hawking talks. I use one of those voice boxes myself and can synthesise with him."
"[first date] *pointing indiscriminately* ""uh-oh looks like we're on the Kiss Cam"" there's no- *leans in* there's no Kiss Cam at Applebees"
"I went to the psychiatrist wearing only cling film. He said ""well, I can clearly see your nuts"""
"Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I'm supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me."