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Joke of the Day

"I set my alarm in a way to try to trick morning-me into getting up earlier, but morning-me is a math wizard and cannot be fooled."

"Whats blue and slippery? A blue slipper"

"Scavenger hunt! Find a parent in Walmart who isn't scowling or being verbally and physically abusive to their children."

"Adulthood is like the vet, and we're all the dogs that were excited for the car ride until we realized where we're going."

"My Dad should be in the Guinness Book Of World Records. I'm pretty sure no one has ever taken twenty seven years to go and get a pint of milk."

"Facebookers reacting to it snowing is very similar to a caveman reacting to seeing fire for the first time."

"What's the difference between Jews and Boy Scouts? Boy Scouts get to leave the camp."

"Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are talking. Harry says, ""Ron, I'm gay."" ""Are you fucking serious?!"" asks Ron. ""Yeah...that too,"" says Harry."

"What do toys and boobs have in common? They're both made for kids, but dad ends up playing with them."

"Doctor, how long do I have left to live? - Ten. - Ten what? - Nine."