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Joke of the Day

"I've had intimate problems all my life. I just can't get close to someone without feeling insecure. You said internet problems? Nevermind."

"Why aren't there any walmarts in Afghanistan? Because there's a Target on every corner!"

"my 2 yr old today: Mom how'd you get past the cognitivie dissonance of having me even tho climate change will render the world uninhabitable"

"[torturing terrorist] [plays EDM] [beat rises] [beat keeps rising] [beat rises endlessly] Terrorist: MAKE IT DROP I'LL TELL U ANYTHING"

"Whats the difference between two dicks and a joke? Your Mom can't take a joke."

"What do you call unreasonably strand fat people with authority? Fatscists."

"Waiter! Waiter! This salad is frozen solid. Yes sir. It's the iceberg lettuce that does it."

"How to be happier: 1. Exercise 2. Lift weight 3. When you've become stronger due to those exercises, smack the person who made you unhappy."

"[politics] I think Trump settled the whole ""tiny hands equals small penis"" argument today... It must take a pretty massive dick to fuck the entire world at once"

"What's the difference between... a G-Spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball."