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Joke of the Day

"If at first you don't succeed, GREAT. Now you know not to waste your time on that ever again. Fuck that shit. Lesson learned."

"What does Shaggy ask himself when he's in a bind? What would Scooby doo?"

"Me: Can I order the conch fritters please? Waitress: The ""ch"" is pronounced like a ""k"" Me: Okay Bick."

"What did Hamlet say when he heard dubstep for the first time? ""Aye, there's the wub"""

"Today is world piles day Get yourself checked. If you don't have piles, celebrate for being a ""perfect asshole"" If you do have piles, still celebrate, for being a ""pain in the ass"""

"When a woman asks me how long I can last in bed I tell her it depends on how long someone brings me food and water but probably years."

"A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone."

"If you make that Civic muffler loud enough, you can drown out your dad's voice calling you a worthless piece of crap. Almost."

"MOM: Any plans tonight? ME: Me and the guys heading out to find us some ladees *shoots finger guns HER: So Pokemon Go with Gary? M: Yessss"

"If Hilary Clinton and Donald trump go on a stranded island together who survives? America."