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Joke of the Day

"you live and learn, me, i try to die and unlearn as much possible. thats the difference between you and me, those things"

"What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples? A senior high school math problem."

"I asked my North Korean friend what life was like in North Korea ""Can't complain"", he said."

"MAGICIAN: think of a card! ME: ok. MAGICIAN: is... this ur card? [holds up card that says ""UGH I HATE MAGIC SHOWS THIS IS CRAP""] ME: holy crap"

"My friend drowned. So at his funeral... ...we took a cake shaped like a life raft. After all...It's what he would have wanted."

"Anyway, the moral of the Chilean story is we now put a limit on the hider in the game of hide n' seek"

"They cooled a man to absolute zero He is 0K."

"My girlfriend turned to me and said ""Dave, I think we've come to the end of the road."" ""Why?"" I said, shocked. ""We're in a lake."""

"Disappointed to learn that landlady' isn't the opposite of a mermaid."

"[NSFW]- What is David Bowie's zodiac sign? Cancer."