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Joke of the Day

"I have a shellfish allergy and I got an allergic reaction to it So The Fine Brothers sued me"

"[offensive] What do books have that Mexican's don't? Papers"

"When I said ""I'm really good in bed"" I was referring to sleeping. Sorry for the misunderstanding, you can pull your pants up now."

"Did you hear about the psychic dwarf who escaped from prison? No? Be careful, there's a small medium at large."

"You can run, but you can't hide. Unless you're a chameleon with broken legs. Then you can hide, but you can't run..."

"[first date] me: don't let her know you vocalise everything you think her: what? me: shit she knows"

"Who reads the news AND makes coffee? Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)"

"Glad I read the label on that Clorox. I was about to rub it in my eyes and keep it in the reach of so many children."

"What do you call 3 knights in a relationship? Polyarmory"

"hundred times Old couple laying in bed. The man turns and tells the woman, ""If you want to have sex, pull on my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull on my dick one hundred times."""