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Joke of the Day

"Ron Burgundy recently upgraded his car straight from junker status to luxury SUV. Well that Escaladed quickly."

"I bought shoes from my drug dealer today I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

"*Jesus drinking at a bar* *jesus orders another drink* ""jesus you're too drunk I can't give you anymore"" Kan I jst haev a water? ""nice try"""

"Nothing more American than getting on an airport's ""moving walkway"" and standing still as it slowly carries you to a Cinnabon."

"What do you call a magic owl? HOOdini"

"If I end up on life support, feel free to pull the plug.. However, if I'm charging my phone, stay the hell away from the outlet."

"How many JokeExplainBots does it take to change a lightbulb? **Lightbulbs** are easily threaded by one person, **usually** with one hand. Doot."

"""Yeah I just really enjoy playing devil's avocado sometimes"" Teacher: devil's advocate? Me [grabbing trident and avocado costume]: no."

"Elephant How can you lift an elephant with one hand?"

"I have no idea who invented ballet dancing but I'm willing to bet good money it was a guy trying to sneak back into bed after coming home pissed from a bar"