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Joke of the Day

"Look, if you can take a smoke break, I should be able to take a twitter break. It's not like one addiction outweighs the other, HR!"

"Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? He uses the finest ingredients."

"I signed up for an online culinary school. I still can't cook, but I made cookies!"

"I'm worried I won't pass my stress test"

"Why is my girlfriend like a deep fat fryer? They're both dangerously hot and belong in the kitchen."

"When is a letter damp? When it has postage due (dew)."

"Is it against the law for postal workers to smile or was it my audacity to mail something?"

"Took a career aptitude test. My results: sports team mascot, bridge troll, sign twirler, petting zoo shit shoveler"

"There was once a zoo that only had one animal: a dog. It was a pretty Shitzu."

"If someone steals my lunch from the fridge at work, I get on the office PA system and do the Liam Neeson speech from Taken."