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Joke of the Day

"Subway wasn't the only thing Jared Fogle was eating fresh"

"They hired a comedian at the local construction site. Everyone loves him. You could say he was really nailing it."

"A bullet walks into a bar, depressed. ""Why the sad face?"" asks the bartender. ""I got fired."""

"You heard the rumor going around about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it..."

"What's different between Trump and the Lannisters? A Lannister always pays his debts."

"""Yes, I remember you saying"" - Translation: Please stop saying that"

"As I was backing out a parking space today, a girl with a nice ass walked behind my car. I was checking her out with my rear view camera."

"Summing up my life in 5 words: 'I fail at maths'"

"Some friends, a lesbian couple... bought me an antique gold fob timepiece for my birthday. I think they mistook me when I said ""I wanna watch""."

"I hate it when I see an inflatable arm-flailing tube man and then I realize that he was actually flailing his arms at someone behind me."