127013

Joke of the Day

"My dog plays this fun game where she holds her bladder until she gets inside the house"

"They say that it requires fewer muscles to smile than to frown... How many muscles are needed to not give a fuck?"

"Did you hear about the guy who has a fetish for cashews? He's fucking nuts."

"What do you get when you vaporize a king? A noble gas."

"A man comes into a bar No, wait, it was a horse. So a man comes into a horse..."

"*12 pulls a gray hair out of my head* M: Wow, look at that! 12: Hang on. There's A LOT more! M: 12: Can I get paid for pulling these out?"

"Knock, Knock! Knock, knock! Who's there? Snow. Snow who? Snowbody!"

"Q: What is the difference between a violin and a viola? A: A viola burns longer."

"Why can't blondes make Kool Aid? Because they can't figure out how to get eight cups of water into that tiny little package."

"Dad joke Son: ""Dad, tell me a joke."" Dad: ""Pussy."" Son: ""I don't get it."" Dad: ""I know."""