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Joke of the Day

"Things to avoid in conversation: religous beliefs , world affairs, and politics. Welcome to Reddit! : D"

"*cute person sends me a selfie* *tries 897285623895 times to take a cute selfie to send back to them*"

"What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? The golfer goes: thwack.... ""Oh fuck""."

"The red man lives in the red house, the blue man lives in the blue house, then who lives in the white house? The black man"

"Lying is a sin! I heard a woman lied to her husband about sleeping with another man. Now there's a whole religion over it."

"In elementary I got all the chicks because my box of crayons had a built-in sharpener. Been on a dry spell ever since. Just me & my crayons."

"Monster: Someone told me Dr Frankenstein invented the safety match. Igor: Yes that was one of his most striking achievements."

"Ronda Rouseys next fight has been announced! Ronda Rousey V. Crippling Depression"

"Wired: ""Machine learning will TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"" Amazon: ""We see you bought a wallet. Would you like to buy ANOTHER WALLET?"""

"Magician: ""Think of a number."" Me: ""Okay."" Magician: ""Are you thinking of a number?"" Me: ""Yes."" *the crowd goes wild with applause*"