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Joke of the Day

"Things to avoid in conversation: religous beliefs , world affairs, and politics. Welcome to Reddit! : D"

"Just saw a girl in cutoff jean shorts so unbelievable short that you could see private parts sticking out the bottom of mine."

"What key opens a banana? A monkey. What key opens a carrot? A donkey."

"[zombie movie set] Director into megaphone: ""We're about to start rolling. Look alive people!"" *actors look around confused as heck*"

"It's a pleasure to do business with you. I look forward to screaming at your customer service representatives in six months."

"I did some research to study if women like to use soap or body wash when they shower. 100% of them didn't like me watching them while they bathed."

"The best times of my life were spent either blowing bubbles or playing with titties..."

"I had diarrhea and had some jalapeno sauce That came out badly"

"I had a cold so I stopped by the drug store. I asked for some vitamin C. The Spanish pharmacist said ""Si'"" I said ""Yes, C"" And that is how the fight got started."

"A man goes into a pharmacy And asks, Do you have pills for memory? The pharmacist says, Yes we do. And the man goes: You do what?"