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Joke of the Day

"In elementary I got all the chicks because my box of crayons had a built-in sharpener. Been on a dry spell ever since. Just me & my crayons."

"Cop: Ma'am, Are you intoxicated? Me: Are YOU intoxicated! Cop: No Me: Prove it! Cop: *puts handcuffs on me* Me: I like where this is going."

"I like my humor like i like my coffee Dark, bitter but satisfying."

"Most of my one night stands happened because they knew they would get a fabulous breakfast the next morning."

"You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me."

"What's the difference between Jeb Bush and my toilet? My toilet is still running."

"What do you call nudes from the 90s hot mail"

"Studies show that people who start a sentence with ""studies show..."" have no clue what they're talking about"

"I'm going to by a bunch of those stick figure decals and randomly ad family members to the windows of unattended vehicles."

"Why was the NSA computer programmer late for work? Because he got Snowden"