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Joke of the Day

"Why did barbie never get pregnant? Because ken came in a different box"

"My daughter wanted me to treat her like a princess So I let her get stolen by a giant, mutant turtle."

"*peeks under bathroom stall* How's the wifi signal in there?"

"The guy at the gym said rest days are really important, so I've been resting for 6 years."

"They're not all brilliant, but they're all mine. Meaning my tweets, and maybe my kids, whatever."

"My new Toyota is going to featured in a film! They call it a Camryo."

"I dream of becoming a selfie photographer.. I can just picture myself doing it."

"What's the difference between eugenics and a charity marathon? The second one's a race for the cure. Shamelessely stolen from [yesterday's SMBC](http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=3180)."

"If a gay guy jumps on your back... do you leave him there, or do you beat him off?"

"My last job was circumcising elephants The pay wasn't great but the tips were huge."